is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
