speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
