He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
