Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
