god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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