So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
