I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
foreskin is a definite game changer
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dick very happy bro
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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