I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
