a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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