You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
