tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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