Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
