I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
