I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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