I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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