Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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