I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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