Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
