p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
