That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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