The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
