His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
