WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
