I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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