I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Still dying that you shit outside
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
