can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
