I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
