In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
