I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
