don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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