you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
