Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
