walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
