Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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