I think I am morally bankrupt
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm bleeding and have questions
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
