Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
