That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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