Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
