Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
