it hurts more in the daytime
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
