There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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