Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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