just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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