I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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