Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
