Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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