He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
