watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
