I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
