Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
