Only a mothe r could love this liver
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Randomize
